Act III, Scene II: The Love Flip

Hermia- OMG! You liar, you whore… You boyfriend stealer! What did you do, get him to fall in love with you over night?!

[Hermia says yelling.]

Helena- OKAY! Do you not have any reserves? Are you trying to get me to say what you want to hear? You should be ashamed! You’re just mad because you’re fake and short! 

[Helena yells back.]

Hermia-Short, did you just call me short?! I can play this game, too!  I bet Lysander only likes you because you’re tall and he fell out of love with me because I am short and you probably told him lies about me! What did you say? Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t beat you up! 

[Hermia takes a step toward Helena, but pulls back]

Helena- Even though you are really just making fun of me guys, just don’t let that crazy b***h touch me! I’m too ladylike to fight, so keep her away from me! You might think because I am bigger than her that I would fight her, but… Uhm, no!

Hermia- WTF?! She called me short again!

Helena- Hermia, girl, don’t be mad at me. I have always loved you, I have always been there for you and I’ve never done anything to hurt you.  The only thing that I ever did and I know it was wrong, was tell Demetrius that you and Lysander were going to elope. I knew that if I told him he would follow you because he loves you, and then I could follow him.  But when I saw him he was a complete jerk telling me to go away and saying that if I didn’t leave he would kill me.  Since I told you, just let me leave and go home, and I will stop following you. I want to go home.  You know how much I love him and that’s all I want.

Hermia-  Fine, leave. The door is right there. No one is stopping you. GO!

[Helena goes to leave, but stops in her tracks.]

Helena-  Now that I’m leaving, I feel like I’m leaving a piece of me behind.

Hermia- What?! With my boyfriend?

Helena- NO! With Demetrius

[Helena looks frustrated when the men enter.]

Lysander- Helena, babe, don’t be scared of her, she can’t do anything to you.

Demetrius-  Yeah, you’re right, even though you are totally on Hermia's side.

Helena-  You underestimate her, she is completely different when she is mad.  When we were at school, she could be the meanest of all the girls. Small doesn't always mean nice! 

Hermia-  You did it again! You keep calling me little and mean. I’m not about to put up with one more of those comments! That’s it.

[Hermia starts moving toward Helena to beat her up, but the men protect Helena]

Lysander- Just leave you midget.  You’re nothing but garbage, anyway.

Demetrius- You’re way too temperamental, dude! She obviously doesn’t want your help, so just get out of here! If you even think about looking at her, you’re gonna get it, bro!

Lysander- She can’t tell me what to do, so we can both go with her and she can decide!

Demetrius- Both of us?! No way, we’re fighting this one out.

[The men leave]

Hermia- Helena, this is all your fault, you need to get this all figured out before leave.

[Hermia goes after Helena and Helena cowers back.]

Helena- It’s not like I can trust you and I can’t stand this negativity anymore. You might be a better fighter, but my legs definitely move faster than yours!

[Helena leaves]

Hermia- Wow, some friend she is!           

[Helena leaves]